Litmus test

Jack and I were watching the NBA finals on Sunday when two of  (R.I.P.) John Wooden's former players, Kareem and Bill Walton, were given some air time to talk about all that Wooden had done to help mold them as players, fathers, and men. John Wooden was wise and old, so it was interesting to me because I do have a very small soft spot for tearjerkery in sports (*cough* Wayne Gretzky *cough*). So according to Jack, when Walton was a student at UCLA in the seventies, he went to Wooden and asked if it was okay if he smoked pot. And Wooden, who at that point was a mere 500 years old, told Walton that he could smoke pot if it made him a better person and a better basketball player. I felt like this might be a really good way to test a lot of decisions I have to make every day.

Choices that have made me a better person and a better basketball player:

1. Improving my draft pick status by being the only girl to do a left-handed layup in fourth grade basketball tryouts

2. Learning to sleep for up to 16 hours at a time while in high school

3. Listening to my coach when he told me to wear two pairs of tube socks

Choices that did not make me a better person and a better basketball player:

1. Carnation Breakfast Drink before 6:30 a.m. practice

2. Neon pink laces in my high tops

3. Sleeping with that one really tall guy

Choices that may some time in the future make me a better basketball player, woman, wife, mother, and semi-professional writer of humorous commentary:

1. Training my dog to heel using leftover filet mignon and/or sashimi, when available.

2. Lying upside down in my son's bed watching the first season of 30 Rock until we've both nearly memorized every line, expression, pause, and gesture

3. Buying two bags of jalapeno cheese puffs last week (good idea!)

4. Letting my car go unwashed for I think it's been about eight months

5. Brushing my teeth at least four minutes a day

6. And flossing!

7. Seriously, I floss all the time

8. I'm flossing as I write this

9. Ignoring people who think I lie about flossing

10. LAKERS 2-1, BABY!

Get Well, Chick

It was a little sad watching the Lakers beat Houston last night without play-by-play man Chick Hearn calling the game. He's been doing it for 36 years without missing a game. Some of my favorite Chick-isms are: 1. When Pig Miller was still on the team and he made a great play, Chick shouted, "Throw him another ear of corn!"

2. When a player gets called for traveling, Chick says, "He did the bunny hop in the pea patch."

3. When there's some time left but it's obvious that the Lakers are going to win, he says, "This game is in the refrigerator, the lights are out, the door is closed, the butter's hard, the eggs are cool, and the Jello is jiggling."

Chick is recovering from open-heart surgery today, but he should be back behind the microphone in about four weeks. Get well soon, Chick! (Like he'll read this.)

Don't forget to vote for this year's NBA all-stars (and remember that, yes, it is a popularity contest). Voting ends January 13 or 18, I can't remember.

New Yorkistan

According to the latest New Yorker cover, Pam and Kim live in Pashmina, Lisa and Regan live in Liberaci, Alba and Steve live in Nudniks, Jack's Aunt Susie lives in Mooshuhadeen, Steph and Charley live in Khandibar, and my former apartment (a.k.a. "The New York Real Estate Miracle") is in Fuhgeddabouditstan. The Lakers won a spectacular game against the Mavericks last night (during which Jack gave me no end of shit for saying that Steve Nash is cute). Afterward, Jack gave no end of shit to Joe for being a lifelong Dodgers fan. Joe held his own without being insulting, though I'm sure he could have been.