I just about snapped last week, and I realized that I was absolutely going to hurt myself if I didn’t stop watching the news. Hurt myself in the sense that I was just bathing my system in cortisol, a constant warm horrible stress drip for all my organs, headaches for my brain, tightness in my chest, hopelessness in my spirit. It wasn’t just the needless suffering being inflicted all over the world by sociopaths who enjoy it, it was small things, too — an unexpected expense came up, and that combined with Jackson coming to visit for a few days triggered a protective, over-functioning, make-it-all-stop part of my brain that pushed me right to the edge and literally burst through my skin in the form of a (TMI WARNING) herpes outbreak.
Yoga should have helped! Yet every time I went to class I lacked the energy to finish my full practice, about halfway through I’d just lie down on my mat and put my sweater over my face. Then I’d go home and take a shower, but it didn’t wash away the shock of America becoming a shit hole country and the unconscionable increase in suffering between idiotic decisions being made and then quietly getting walked back.
I know that one bee can only make half a teaspoon of honey in its lifetime but a whole hive of bees can make gallons, that each little act helps. I am trying to make all the honey I can. I give money, I boost signals, I contact my reps, I boycott. But then thousands of bees get fired by someone who thinks the honey makes itself.
Last week it felt like I wasn’t making any difference, I was only fighting back with my mind, with my worry, and ultimately it was eating me alive.
But I also knew I needed to clean the bathrooms before Jackson arrived, and suddenly that I had the energy for. And then I started feeling better? My amygdala didn’t care if I was marching on Washington or mopping the floor, the physical act of putting my back into something began to work the stress out of my body. Brian needed some bookshelves moved? Perfect! My adrenaline now had a purpose: to keep me from getting crushed by heavy furniture.
After a daylong flurry of housework my parasympathetic nervous system came back online, the cat litter boxes were sparkling, my office finally had some feng shui, my mind was clearer, and my chest had stopped hurting.
So now we’re fighting fascism with housework?
Apparently empathy kills and I don’t want to be its next victim. So after the housework was done I decided to sit and get quiet and ask myself what I should do: turn away from the world and save myself, or find a way to keep my little wings buzzing. And then I waited. Do you ever talk to yourself like this? You really have to wait sometimes, but an answer always comes up.
Do what makes sense.
That didn’t feel like enough of a direction. I waited some more.
Honestly, is this what we’re doing now? Little dialogues? How quaint.
We can if you want to, Inner Wisdom Buddy [I thought].
I’m not a Buddy, I’m more of a chum, if we’re putting labels on people.
We’re not, sorry.
It’s all right, we’re having fun. What was the question?
Is it okay to unplug, or do I let the right action come to me instead of chasing after new things to fight and burning myself out with worry. Like today, a friend sent me a link to Jamie Raskin where you mail in a Privacy Act request form to DOGE. That was a direct, personal call to action and an easy way to stay at home but still add my voice to the fight.
That’s how life interacts with you all the time. When you’re needed, life calls. When you’re not, you can rest. Honestly, it’s so simple. Just wait. Your heart doesn’t need to be sacrificed on the altar of Fox News, and they won’t care anyway. Leave them be and they’ll die out on their own.
Or will it just seem like they died on their own but actually a lot of other people are doing the work of fighting them?
People who are called will go. You worrying on the sidelines DOES NOT HELP.
<3
Does your inner voice talk to you like this?
I hope I’m not too embarrassed to post this, and sorry I haven’t posted since January, there’s been a lot going on and I haven’t been handling it too well. But I’m trying. I read yesterday that it only takes 3.5% of the population to bring about real political change. In a country of 341,500,000 people, that’s about 12 million of us. And we don’t have to be out there all at once, doing the same thing, it’s not like we’re rowing a boat. We’re moving honey a little bit at a time. Do a search for “protests in US are working” and see if the results don’t lift your heart.
You forgot to say thank you.
Thank you!
<3 <3 <3