12: Up Close and Personal with Peanut

Me: So, Peanut! What's the word?

Peanut: Meh.

Me: No, seriously. What are you doing walking around the kitchen? You're supposed to be hibernating.

Peanut: Are you trying to get rid of me?

Me: No, I'm just trying to figure out what's going on. Normally, you hibernate every winter; you crawl under the couch and we don't see you until spring.

Peanut: I just don't want to be a slave to my instinctual drives anymore.

Me: But it's good for you to hibernate. You're a reptile. It's cold out.

Peanut: What?! It's like 65 degrees!

Me: Didn't you like it when I put you next to the water heater?

Peanut: OBVIOUSLY not.

Me: Well, I think this is a mistake. You're disrupting your whole system, and for what? Why's it so important to deny a basic instinct?

Peanut: Have you ever read any Schopenhauer?

Me: Oh, God.

Peanut: He's a total determinist and it just makes me so mad.

Me: Is that what you've been doing under the couch? Reading?

Peanut: I believe that it's only through the exercise of free will that I'll be able to build my own character and act as a moral agent, allowing me to rise above any given set of circumstances. Do you have any Red Bull?

Me: A tortoise on Red Bull. What a fantastic idea.

Peanut: Man, I really need something to clear my head.