Me: So, Peanut! What's the word?
Me: No, seriously. What are you doing walking around the kitchen? You're supposed to be hibernating.
Peanut: Are you trying to get rid of me?
Me: No, I'm just trying to figure out what's going on. Normally, you hibernate every winter; you crawl under the couch and we don't see you until spring.
Peanut: I just don't want to be a slave to my instinctual drives anymore.
Me: But it's good for you to hibernate. You're a reptile. It's cold out.
Peanut: What?! It's like 65 degrees!
Me: Didn't you like it when I put you next to the water heater?
Peanut: OBVIOUSLY not.
Me: Well, I think this is a mistake. You're disrupting your whole system, and for what? Why's it so important to deny a basic instinct?
Peanut: Have you ever read any Schopenhauer?
Me: Oh, God.
Peanut: He's a total determinist and it just makes me so mad.
Me: Is that what you've been doing under the couch? Reading?
Peanut: I believe that it's only through the exercise of free will that I'll be able to build my own character and act as a moral agent, allowing me to rise above any given set of circumstances. Do you have any Red Bull?
Me: A tortoise on Red Bull. What a fantastic idea.
Peanut: Man, I really need something to clear my head.