Okay, you all did a bang-up job on the caption suggestions, I loved almost every single one of them, even the ones I had to think about for a minute before I understood them. (I was a little slow this weekend, having been brushed by some sort of minor viral thing. Nothing a nap and a bottle of sauvignon blanc couldn't cure.)
Comedy experts have whittled down the list to those you'll find below. A couple of them have been everso slightly altered for grammar or brevity, but will still be credited to the original suggestor for t-shirt winning purposes. After we all choose a caption I'll do a limited run of the shirt, just in case anyone besides me wants to wear one. Thank you guys so much for playing along with this, it could have been a quiet, ego-crushing disaster, so I'm grateful for all the comments, especially the ones I wish I'd thought of myself.