1. Jackson, after watching four Simpsons DVDs in a row, in the voice of Mr. Burns: "Eden, you're late, bald, and stupid."
2. After bossing me into playing Lego Star Wars II on his cousin's Xbox 360: "I'm Boba Fett and you're loser Fett."
3. As his twelve-year-old cousin rubs in a spot of sunscreen that I missed on his shoulder: "Tell Grace not to touch me! She just wants to experience my softness."
4. After a long morning of errands: "If you don't get me a snack right now I'm going to turn into mucus."
This morning in bed
Me: "Your pool league should get team shirts."
Jack: "Team shirts are gay."
Me: "Ringer t-shirts with iron-on letters."
Jack: "With just our names."
Me: "Like a negro t-shirt gang."
Jack: "And a rainbow, and a unicorn . . ."
Me: ". . . and a beautiful lady . . ."
Jack ". . . with long, flowing hair. And pirates."
Me: "Pinkie rings?"
Jack: "Nipple rings."