Four Easy Steps

Just how exactly does one go about dropping one's phone in the toilet? It's easy, especially if you're me! Just go like this: 1. Have a little down time and decide to clean all the bits of New York vacation crap out of your happy Rasta messenger bag.

Fig 1: The Happy Rasta Messenger Bag resting comfortably on a green velvet chair that legend has it was rescued from the street some time in the last forty-five years.

2. Remove gum wrappers, ticket stubs, stray business cards, and an empty Chocolate Altoid tin and file accordingly.

3. Regularly keep the company of a small boy who likes you to buy him soft pretzels from street vendors, who will not eat a whole pretzel at once and so will tearfully beg you not to throw it away but please, please, please save its doughy remains in your bag and then throw it out the next day while he's in the tub.

3. Look at the layer of soft pretzel-borne rock salt at the bottom of your bag and think about what would be the absolute worst way to get rid of it. Wet sponge? Vacuum cleaner? Ask NASA to deposit your bag in a gravity-free environment with a porthole in the door so you can watch all the salt crystals float around the room like little asteroids while a chamber orchestra plays the Blue Danube Waltz? Turn your bag upside down over the toilet and shake out all the salt?

4. Walk into the bathroom, turn the bag upside down, and dump all the salt into the toilet. Hmm, can't get that last little chunk? SHAKE THE BAG REALLY HARD. Watch your phone slide out of the open side pocket and fall into the toilet.

UPDATE: Four hours later it actually seems to be working at about 75%. I wasn't ready to get an iPhone yet anyway.