Family Secrets

You know what makes me laugh? When my dog walks into the room and burps.

We used to have this cat named Venus who was so round and fat we called her Bowling Ball. And we called her Venus, since round is also the shape of a planet. Venus had a sexy twin brother named Tarzan who once snuck through our neighbor's window and tried to breastfeed on her. Seriously, this was one suave cat, he sidled up into her bed and snuggled on in and started doing the little mushy paws thing on her breast so he could suckle.

I think she still has his picture on her refrigerator.

Anyway, one day Venus came into the room where I was doing something and she burped, which was cute. A little cat burp! Aww. But THEN she farted, pffffffft. Audible car farts are rare indeed, but to cap it off she looked me in the eye and said, "MEOW." Then she sat down. Like, Whew! what a relief, to let her cat emanations escape all at once.

The point of this ridiculous story is, if you're ever in the room with Jack and you hear me burp, Jack will inevitably go, "pfffffft," and then it's your turn to say, "meow."