Ten Reasons Why I Didn't Marry You Instead Of Jack

I'm coming up on ten years of being married to Jack and for some (probably obvious psychological) reason something overtook me in the shower this morning -- you know, when I was all wet and soapy and naked -- and I began thinking about the ones who got away, and the ones whose paths croseed mine but sort of diagonally, and the ones who slept over but who I couldn't quite look in the eye the next morning.

Lists are fun!

Ten Reasons Why I Didn't Marry You Instead Of Jack

1. You appeared, during a bar conversation, to be smarter than me.

2. You appeared, after seven months of sleeping with you, to be stupider than me.

3. You hinted on our one and only date that your penis was pierced but wouldn't be any more specific.

4. You freaked out and left after I told you I had an STD.

5. You vanished.

6. I had no idea what to do with you in bed because:
a. your penis was unconscionably large, or small
b. your penis was actually a vagina

7. You were actually perfect for me but were too shy/inattentive/full of yourself/in love with someone else for me to notice it.

8. I was dating someone else and you were too much of a gentleman to interfere.

9. I had to go to every bar in town to find your drunken ass and bring you home.

10. I really loved you, but not in that way.