Good morning, I'm humorless and resentful, as are many moms who blog. We overscrutinize our children's every excretion and whore out adorable anecdotes about them just to get attention for ourselves!

Also, you may have noticed, I have a name. I fully intend never to use it again and to continue hiding behind my husband, because I'm shy and delicate and need the kind of protection that only a big, strong, breadwinning man can provide.

What else? Lunchables! I feed my son Lunchables!

You know what, though: I can complain about it, but I got quoted in the New York fuckin' Times, baby, along with some of my very favorite Interweb pals, and that's pretty good.