This morning I was lying on my yoga mat doing what I think is probably Mary Roach's favorite pose (corpse pose! Get it? Hey! I made a Mary Roach joke! Yay to the three people who care!), and I overheard my teacher giving a little impromptu Sanskrit lesson to the woman one mat over. He said that the Sanskrit word bhaga means strength, but that if you pronounce it wrong (i.e., without the H, so it's more like bugga) it means anus. Wow, way to trip up those Sanskrit-as-a-Second-Language students, right? But since I'm lying there at the end of practice all corpse-like and such, I start thinking about how the British spent buttloads* of time occupying India, and what's that most favorite of British occupations?


Pretend you're Hugh Cary Grant and say it with me: Bhaga off!

It makes perfect sense, right? Anus, bugger, all those limey twits doing what they do best when they're far away from God and country and the misses' fuzzy little yoni (bonus for clicking on that: you get to see the wondrous vulva puppet).

So I come home and manage to find a little time to Google bhaga and bugger and Sanskrit and bloody fucking Typhoo Tea and I get absolutely nowhere with this hypothesis. I get fuck all. Dick. Squat. Worse than squat: I get stuff like this, which is "worse" because it completely ignores my Important Linguistic Discovery.

However, I am utterly, completely, hypnotically convinced that I am absolutely right about this. I just need to unearth a few nineteenth-century pornographic Royal Navy recruitment brochures hygiene pamphlets and I. WILL. PROVE IT.