In the women's room that my office shares with six or seven other offices on the first floor of the building, the other day, right by the trash can, someone left a pair of shoes. Dull black, stack-heeled loafers, about a size seven. They were kind of peeking into one stall, so I took the other stall, because I didn't want the shoes to see me. And as I sat there contemplating the proximity of these empty shoes the first thing that came to mind was that "Seinfeld" episode where George comes out of the bathroom with a newspaper and no shirt. Why? Why no shirt, George? And, does someone in this building need to take off her shoes when she takes a shit? Wouldn't she notice the cold tile floor when she was done and put them back on? Wouldn't her coworkers say, Hey! Beatrice was taking a shit again and forgot to put her shoes back on afterward! I hope at least she remembered to wash her hands! And then the second thing I thought of was that one panel of "Ghost World" where Enid and Whatsherface are coming down the sidewalk and one of them goes, "Hey look! It's the pants!" The Pants! They've been there long enough to establish themselves as a landmark.

Then, when I went into the bathroom the next day, there was a whole outfit hanging on the side of the stall on a wire hanger. But the shoes were gone.