We're coming to the close of escrow on our condo -- not the one I was freaking about, writing big checks and all, but another one that I freaked out about slightly less, having fully explored my ownership panic on the first one. The one we're actually buying is roomier and has good light and a fireplace. A gas fireplace! I won't have to bust out my Girl Scout skills to light the fire, you just turn the little key in the wall and FOOMP: fire. Jack wants to get a remote control and be all James Bond with it, to which I say, Knock yourself out, lover boy. I'll be waiting at the door each night wrapped in Saran Wrap and holding a chilled martini in my hand. Oh, ha ha ha. No, I won't. He's lucky if I even wash my hair. Although shorts weather is finally here so leg shaving has begun in earnest. Armpits are a few weeks off, though, right? RIGHT??

*crickets*

Thanks for all the good puppy training tips. We are having some luck getting her to ring the little jingle bell! I tied it to the child safety gate near the front door, and she's starting to understand that when she jingles it with her nose I will take her outside. She's also sleeping in her crate, which isn't really a crate, it's a big cage with a dog bed inside -- it's a DOGGY JAIL, basically, but she likes it and it keeps her from leaving little stink bombs all over the house at night. I actually woke up one night nauseated because she'd taken a shit on the bath mat and then little green Pepe LePew fingers of horror slowly and delicately curled throughout the house until they found a home in my nostrils. Which made me very sad.

Here my Faith Popcornlike trend predictions for 2005:

HOT
waffle irons
NOT
ice cube trays
HOT
ovens
NOT
refrigerators

Oh, ha ha ha. HA HA!

Updates will be spotty for the next few weeks because we've lived in this apartment for NINE YEARS and we have a lot of stuff to throw out, prepare for storage, and pack. Our move-in day is May 3, if everything goes according to plan. I will, however, try to post some pictures as the chaos increases and then quietly, sweatily realigns itself twenty minutes south of here.