First of all, the playoffs are great this year! Lots of upsets-in-progress. Where'd the Celtics come from, they're kicking Philly's ass. I am totally rooting for Dallas, too, which is a little bit of a turnaround for me because I'm publicly mad about Kevin Garnett, but I've gone over to the Texas side, not just because of my acknowledged crush on Steve Nash, but also because of Dirk Nowitzki, Michael Finley (a fine Irish name), and, to quote Dave's grandmother, "I love that little Nicky Van Exel." Of course, it is totally conceivable that THE LAKERS WILL ONCE AGAIN RULE THE UNIVERSE. Take that you poor, sad, Shaq-fearing Knicks fans. Secondly, there is a big difference between a nerd and a dork. Dorks are just geeks with bad skin, but nerds get the ladies.

And as an offshoot of my in-praise-of-nerds moment, I have a thing for chunky guys, too. Not superchunky, but Jack Nicholson in Chinatown chunky.

Almost lastly, here are two ways that you can make me commit suicide:

1. Go douse yourself in patchouli and then give me a big nasty hippie hug.

2. Go into a chatroom for stay-at-home moms and call your computer a " 'puter."

And finally, Joe pointed this out to me the other day at lunch: why does the Catholic Church want to give child-abusing priests a second chance? If you weren't a priest, and you were convicted of having sex with a minor, you'd be in prison. You stupid fuck. But the church, like the mafia, takes care of its own, outside the law. I could see a lot of cardinals losing their jobs over this. I can't stand the church, but I might think about going back if we get a pope who believes in birth control and letting priests hook up in meaningful (or not) adult relationships (the key word here being ADULT).