One of the jokes in Let's Panic the book is about how the Internet is such a satisfying and entertaining resource for new parents. Alice and I single out six web sites for having been particularly helpful throughout our own early months as first-time mothers. The list is fake, of course--we would never go to the Internet for advice, my God! Who would do such a thing?--but it occurred to us that we should register those sites and put something up on them as a little reward for diligent readers (and not-so-diligent readers who just happen to see this post). I volunteered to take care of it. The thing is, I might pretend to know what I'm doing on a daily basis, but I don't have much in the way of that techy vocabulary you need if you do anything more than write blog posts with a sharpened spoon by candlelight. I know what an IP is, and a UI, and a USB, but beyond that I'm easily flummoxed. So I opened up a help ticket and the lovely people at Liquid Web began baffling me immediately.

Me: OH MY GOD--WHAT?? I only want to do what's easiest and least expensive, whether it's my nameserver or yours. I don't have enough expertise to know the difference frankly. What do you recommend? My goal is to quickly set up 6 domains and get them set up with WordPress so I can have them running as soon as possible.

Me: Huh? I have to wear a costume?

Me: I understand numbers, it's words I have a hard time with. Also, you are nice. Sorry to be such a dummy.

And then, instead of spending another 36 hours begging a series of quietly exasperated help desk genies to walk me through every step of creating LOBSTERFIGHTS.ORG, I wrote to Joe and offered him money to sort it out for me.

These are the lengths to which we go to elicit a minor chuckle, my friends. This is also why my plants are dead.