2002

Frequently Asked Questions
1. How can I avoid herpes?
You can't.
2. Is it true that your house is a pigsty?
Right now there's only one waste basket overflowing with diapers.
3. Does it bother you when you pet your cat and the underside of her tail's all wet, and you're not sure if it's pee or if she's just been in the bath tub, licking water off the bottom again?
Yes.

"Where WWW means Wretched Writers Welcome"

It's always amusing when someone from the East Coast arrives in Santa Barbara in January expecting tropical nights and mosquito netting over their beds, only to find the local population dressed for rainy season in leather jackets and hats (even the old-timers will give in and put sweaters over their board shorts and flip-flops).

A few weekends ago we were watching VH-1 and there was Kid Rock, and there was Tommy Lee. And Jack asked me, "Is Kid Rock cute?" And I said, "No, Tommy Lee is cute, even though he's a total dope. Maybe because he's so dopey." And then I turned all red on the inside because I'd just told my husband that Tommy Lee was cute.

2003

MY DESERT ISLAND DISCS
The Real Ramona, by Throwing Muses

2004

13 ways of looking at insomnia
with no apologies to wallace stevens, nope, he's dead so fuck him

Not being able to think of a better way to say FUCK YOU

Shying away from painful realities

2005

White towels are a bad idea if you live with a four-year-old boy. Or a forty-five year old man, or yourself, who inhabits a body that houses a soul that never learned to bleach anything without burning a hole right through it.

2006

Lost gameboy

taking apart jackson's bed
sleeping with katie
flossing until he bleeds

tears over cheese
passive-aggressive karate mom
earth shoes and birkenstocks!
whore heads

Fake spiderweb freaks out real spider

Post about my parents waiting for me to come and cut their hair.

No floam!

2007

Hi Eden,
I just wanted to check in with you to see if you had a chance to take a look at the review copy of [redacted]. I think your readers would really enjoy this book and your writing a review could get the word out to them. I’d love to discuss other ways we can use the book’s content on your site. The authors would love to guest blog. Give me a call or shoot me an email when you get a chance.

I was in the shower yesterday after my bi-annual yoga class, contemplating all the body parts that potentially required shaving, and the smell of yesterday's substitute-teacher's musky, fur-exploded armpits as she adjusted me in marichasana C came wafting back to me. Well, she probably has lots of health reasons for not shaving them, a lot of women do, those antiperspirants are pure lymph poison, after all. But then I thought of this other yoga teacher who kicks my ass occasionally, whose pits are as smooth and delightfully benign as Parvati, daughter of the mountains. And for the millionth time I wondered what the yogic answer to armpit grooming was. Heavenly, blue-skinned Krishna, to shave or not to shave? I'm looking for spiritual direction here!

Lost two teeth in a week, now he looks like Shane McGowan

Watching The Tempest, Paul Mazursky -- hate to say it but if a six-year-old can get hooked into your film you've got a compelling story, good characters, straight dialogue, good arc -- kids sense bullshit a mile away -- you can distract them with green-skinned orgres, but honesty works just as well

Whatever makes you different makes you pretty

It's weird that children get used to being served, and then one day you're all, get your own glass of milk, bloodsucker.

Jackson's ten favorite things about Alice

2008

Mom eating with her eyes closed

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AKX6jd540ro]

Naomi Foner story

vegetarianism

100 Things

Who are all these pet-related twitterers?