Today Peewee goes to doggy sleepover camp for the night, as there are Big Doings here at the Kennedy compound on account of us needing to deal with what he did to the carpet on the way to accomplishing being the little housetrained bruiser that he is.

Jack would clean the carpet with the carpet cleaning machine that he bought and we'd be all, Yay! Clean! And then two weeks later we'd be all, Wow, it's a little musky in here, would you be a dear and open all the windows and spray some of that expensive grapefruit essential oil deodorizer into every room? And maybe swipe some under my nose while you're at it.

Yesterday, clearly at the end of his rope -- Jack doesn't want Jackson to grow up being known as the kid whose house smells like dog piss -- he went online and bought the recipe for an apparently miraculous carpet formula that you can make with the contents of your medicine cabinet. I would love to tell you what that formula is, it's so simple as to be positively stupid, but there's some guy out there selling it for $10 a pop and who am I to get in the way of his intellectual property?

So in a few hours every room is going to be soaked with COMMON HOUSEHOLD INGREDIENTS that, if we're to believe hundreds of glowing testimonials, saved the sanity of:

1. A woman whose two small dogs "never go outside" and routinely peed on the rug because she was too elderly to take them outside and busy taking care of her disabled daughter;
2. A couple whose pregnant stray cat gave birth to four kittens in their apartment and couldn't be trained to use a litter box;
3. A person whose cat used his mattress "in retaliation" when he went out of town for a few days;
4. You know what, I'm not going to go on, if you want to read more pet urine horror, it's here.