My question is: If you decide to avoid Black Friday at your local mall and instead stay at home and do your shopping online, are you helping to save the planet by not burning extra fossil fuels driving up and down every row looking for a parking spot close to Old Navy, or are you making it worse because your high-quality Fussy brand t-shirt has to get trucked from my kitchen table to the mailbox to the post office to your post office to your mailbox and, mmm, that doesn't sound so good, except in that it employs a lot of (non-mall) people who certainly enjoy getting paychecks and eating food and paying their rent. It's the old paper vs. plastic dilemma. I need Al Gore to make me a big chart to explain the best choice.

Yesterday:
Passed out on the couch at 5:00 p.m. in a persistent vegetative state due to excessive intake of turkey and champagne.

This morning:
In the yoga shala preparing myself for assisted drop backs with my teacher, Steve.

Steve: Did you eat and drink too much yesterday?

Me: Yes.

Steve: Good. Was there bacon?

Me: Bacon was involved.

Steve: Well, you're breaking new ground, you may be the first yogi to learn to metabolize bacon.

(I do a few drop-backs. My back feels like rebar.)

Me: Does bacon make your muscles stiff?

Steve (who probably hasn't eaten meat in fifteen years): Mashed potatoes will.

So there you have it: don't eat mashed potatoes for dinner unless you want your yoga practice to be for shit the next day.