Last night in bed.

Me: *giggling uncontrollably*

Jack: "What are you reading?"

Me: "Patrick Hughes."

Jack: "Jesus, why don't you two just get a room."

Me: "Great idea!"

The next morning.

Jack (walking in holding an eighteen-inch squash): "Look what Lori gave me."

Me: "Holy shit, is that a zucchini? That's the biggest one I've ever seen in my life. Lori gave that to you?" (Jack built Lori's house and now they're in love.)

Jack: "She found it in her garden and she said as soon as she saw it she thought of me."

So it's nice to know that if Jack and I ever break up, he'll have someone to turn to. And I'll have, uh, a book and a dildo.

Also, new post at Babble: LEARN FROM MY MISTAKES. I BEG OF YOU.