Hello, Internet! It's time for a round of "diganose my disfiguring ailment."

Here is a giant, unretouched photo of my throbbing red nose. It hurts like a motherfucker. Can you see how red it is on that one spot? In real life it's bordering on purple. Don't touch it! Fuck! Get away from me.

So far I have ruled out:
a. pimple
b. ingrown hair
c. gin blossoms

Other symptoms include:
1. inner crustiness
2. swelling
3. hideousness

This happened to my other nostril last month but since it went away after a couple of days I'm not really sweating it. Jack, however, perhaps fearing some sort of explosion of ooze, is wondering why the hell I'm not writing this from the waiting room at the walk-in clinic.

But if I go to the doctor s/he might tell me it's:
* nostril strep
* nostril cancer
* nostril plague

So, you know, in the interest of letting it flourish, I'm going to give it another 24 hours. So the leprosy can really get a foothold. I hear you get extra Jell-O in the isolation ward.

EDITED TO ADD: OHMYGOD IT'S GETTING WORSE. You can see my heartbeat in my nose! AAARRRGHH.