1. This picture: The Last Time Emmett Modeled Nude by Sally Mann

It makes me wonder if it's time to stop posting photos of Jackson. Because he has no say in any of this, and it's bad enough that I'm reporting his every excretion on the Internet (by the way, did I mention that he pooped in the potty the other day? I am still quivering with glee), and I feel like it's time to pull a thin blanket of privacy around his massive cranium.

2. The Random Surrealism Generator: [muchas gracias, ATL Superstar!]

3. The beautiful things for which I am Googled, complete with original grammar, spelling, and punctuation:

~ can girls get cancer from shaving there private hairs ~ rilke your smile turned my heart orange ~ wicked,insane mother-in-law fuck story ~ pity cruiser photos ~ gas powered monkey bike ~ sexy fussy with milk

4. THAT SPOON. We have this particular tablespoon that I once used to clean out the cat litter box. (The poop scoop was broken or something.) Right after I scooped poop with this particular spoon I washed it with insanely hot water and then put it through the dishwasher seven or eight times, then I said a little prayer to the toxoplasmosis fairy and put it back in the silverware drawer. But still, every time I use it my saliva glands crinkle up. Maybe I should just throw it out.

5. These tampons I'm using are so absorbent I have cotton mouth.