As we round the corner into Birthday Week, I realize that one year ago today was Jackson's due date and I looked like this:

This is a picture of a woman who finally has eaten her weight in Haagen-Dazs ice cream.

Almost every mother I know with a nearly-one-year-old child has her thong in a twist about planning a birthday party for a child who absolutely could not give a shit what day it is. I know how sexist this is, but it finally took a man -- one who works in the building trades, no less (i.e., a manly man) -- to straighten the whole first birthday concept out for us.

It boils down to this:

(1) Get cake

(2) Place cake in front of baby

(3) Take pictures of baby flinging cake around room

Optional: Funny hats

Not optional: Margaritas for mom. And dad, I guess, since he's paying.